how to get rid of bad character?

I often find myself struggling to feel sincerely happy for others' success, even though it is the success of people I like or love.

Anytime they tell me about their success, I told those that I think will understand (or already knew) something like 'I am happy for your success, but I feel a little jealous.'

Usually I sweeten that up to them with 'But my happiness is greater than my jealousy'.

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economic frustration

I am a scholar, or so I like to think. The non-economic scholar. So when suddenly forced to manage my finance, I was (and still) doing it like some limp men - dragging one foot.

Instead of learning trends of stock market, I googled the history of candlestick chart (if you want to know, it was created in 18th century by a Japanese rice trader).

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game addiction

Do you have a friend who is a game addict? I know one guy who skipped university test for the sake of gaming. The question is, why game is so intoxicating to some people, while having little to no effect to others?

I have some theories... Toward those who feel they have been treated unjustly, game offers the clear reward system - unlike real life.

Toward those so-called control freaks, game is soothing that tendency.

Toward those who feel like life has no point, game keeps their mind off their state of mind and help them fast-forward to bedtime. By the time the go to bed, they sleep soundly due to exhaustion. This helps people with insomnia, too.

But not all troubled people like gaming, and not all contented people refrain from gaming, so gaming just brings out whatever it is in one person, I guess.

Some more on addictions... They conducted an experience and reported: people who never do drugs experience less depression - but isn't it higher depression that got people to use drugs at the beginning?

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greece vs java

There are resemblances between Genderuwo and Zeus from Java and Greek mythology, respectively. Both like to seduce women into sexual intercourse by taking the form of whatever person or animal would most appeal to their victim.

But Zeus enjoys a better treatment than his hairy counterpart. Zeus was worshipped as a god, while genderuwos are only considered demons.

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evil counter: ninety-eight... ninety-nine... one hundred!!

You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up.
-- The Matrix --

Oh God, help me. I thought I was evil. Turns out there are more evil in this world than in me.

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water in the pond

Try talking to your heart
is like dropping water into the pond
Effective immediately
but only temporary
The surface has waves
only to be smooth
like a mirror again
-- me --

I was right. But I have never been this sad I was right.

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lupus

My friend had been diagnosed with lupus. Her disease had been under control for a few years, but a few days ago it worsened. Needless to say, I was very saddened upon hearing that.

This time my friend's left eyesight blurred. Lupus is called 1000 facade disease, because it often disguises itself as another disease, one time it can show the symptoms of typhus, another time dengue fever, another time low hemoglobins, etc.

There are two tests one must take to determine whether it's really lupus or not. Those tests are called ANA and SLE.

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kliwon

As shown by its unique name, this new restaurant specializes in Javanese food. Its interior has two man-sized statues of Javanese puppet characters.

I had kliwon rice. It was rice with Javanese tofu curry, grilled chicken, Javanese sauteed vegetables, etc. It was nice and the price was so-so. Cozy place to meet and chat with friends.

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when the only leader i can see is a bad leader...

I can learn not to be like him. It's all about choice.

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judgment

People's bodies are source of information about them. From there you can determine best way of approach. For example, if you are a judgmental person, better not show that side of yours upon first meeting with people who are physically well-built. They hate judgment so much they spend abundant time in gyms to avoid being judged fat or unfit.

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filling

God is giving me clarity of mind and body health, to administer to people, whose safety is on top of His list, whose well-being is in His mind always, whose feelings and emotions He holds dear at heart.

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turning eyes away

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, revive me in Your way.
-- Psalm 119:37 --

One of my childhood memories is going to the cinema with my father. He was fond of sci-fi movies. Sometimes scenes that shows physical intimacy appeared.

If main actor and actress started to kiss, my father would cover my eyes with his hand. My head was very small back then, just his one palm is enough to cover both of my eyes.

To ensure that I really couldn't see the screen, he rested his palm on two points on my face: my forehead and peak of nose. Sometimes I would push front and tease him by batting my eyelashes against his palm. I hoped that he would get ticklish and let go of his hand... Children had it a little uncomfortable for having a big hand on their face...

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getting out of a hell called insecurity

Like they said, the only way out is up... Currently I am in a very deep hole full of bad thoughts, inadequacy feeling, shame, self loathing, etc. I use Alice in Wonderland's solution, expanding oneself so that she can reach the door handle... I too, can get out of this hole/well/whatever, just put more effort on it. Work hard, me!

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one ring to rule them both...

Today as I was browsing images of wedding rings, i stumbled upon one picture that shows striking similarity to the ring in the LOTR movie. As usual wedding rings have the name of the spouse engraved on the insides. They have the same font.

Which gets me thinking... Did JRR Tolkien get his inspiration from wedding rings? Talking about ring that binds its bearer... Correct me if I'm wrong, but work of fiction depicts married man/woman as taking off their wedding ring before they commit infidelities...

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be a bigger man

If someone hurt you, forgive and let go. Be a bigger person than he/she is.

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sometimes i dream about sleeping

Some days I am invincible, I am awfully positive about life. But today is not one of those days.

I am tired. I let go.

Maybe tomorrow I'll fight for you again.

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clinging tendency

Increase the amount of exercise your dog gets daily. If you take your dog on three short walks a day, try adding a short run to it and taking him to a dog park a couple of times a week. An increase in exercise can help expel some of the nervous energy associated with clinginess. Exercising him before you leave can also make your absence less stressful.
-- How to Stop Your Dog From Being Clingy --

... something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning... We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back... we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others.
-- Revolver --

In a relationship, whoever likes the other person more is prone of being clingy.

Clinging is not only found in relationships, though. We don't even cling exclusively to human being. We cling to social status, perceived safety, etc. All the things we think we cannot live without.

What is the cure for clinging, or addiction wearing a mask of insecurity? I believe it is to step out of our comfort zone. Start working our ass off. Stop taking easy paths to everything.

We will be liberated. And what a wonderful feeling it is to be free!

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